In August, Fi and I celebrated thirty years of marriage, and in early Autumn we did the usual things we loved to do. But by the first few days of October, we knew there was something wrong.
Philippa Kyle, 1955-2009
‘Cancer’, said Fi, ‘is always something that happens to other people’. Fi had multiple brain tumours that had begun with lung cancer. Although treatment was being organised to try to hold back the disease, there wasn’t time for it to take place, and it was unlikely to have been able to affect the outcome.
Fi died peacefully in Ashgate Hospice near Chesterfield just before 10:30pm on Friday 20 November, a few days before her 54th birthday.
There are two reasons why I’m choosing to write about this on a blog that’s all about business.
The first is that Fi was the unsung hero in Goldsbrough Consulting and my other business activities over the years. In a supporting role, and not often in direct contact with clients, she was a constant source of quiet determination, clear purpose, and wise advice that helped me to do the best I could for clients.
Secondly, in the last seven weeks we were bowled over by the warm wishes, consideration and support that flowed in from business contacts and clients. I clearly have more friends than I realised. So this bit of my blog is to pass on my thanks to all those people. And Fi wanted me to say thanks on her behalf too.
UPDATE: 26 DECEMBER 2009
It’s Boxing Day and – as she wished – Fi’s ashes were scattered today on Barbon Fell, overlooking the Lune Valley where she was brought up. Years ago, we’d sit around the dinner table on Christmas Day saying that we’d walk off our indulgence by climbing Barbon Fell the next day, but we never did. It was her final wish to put that right, so Fi made it there today, and was joined by three of her cats – Portia, Lupin and Zaffrey – whose ashes were also cast upon the wind.
You can help those who helped Fi
Although Fi was in Ashgate Hospice for less than twelve hours, she was helped enormously by being there, as was I. In the future, I’ll be supporting their work. If you’d like to do that too, you can make a secure donation.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Matthew,
Just found out.. my condolences. Lost for words…
Lose yourself in the music and celebrate forever more, Fi’s life and your time together…
Matthew,
I was so sorry to read of your sad loss, you are one of the kindest most helpful people I have ever met and want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Kathy
Matthew,
My sincere condolences, I couldn’t believe it when I read the news. I cannot begin to imagine how you are coping with the loss of Fi – you were great together.
My thoughts are with you,
Ian
Dear Matthew,
Having known you for over thirty years, and Fi since she was born, as I said on the ‘phone, I was heartbroken to hear your sad news; we have been thinking of you and we will continue to do so.
Fi was my closest friend for many years, and as we grew up together we shared so much laughter and fun – her fierce and protective friendship also sheltered me through the difficult times.
I know that Fi was a constant and steady source of support for you and I am not surprised that so many friends and colleagues have rallied round you at this difficult time; I’m sure their sentiments will be giving you comfort and Fi would have been chuffed!
Only the other day I heard a wise man say in a radio interview, “We have to listen to the hurt that people are feeling and then healing is not impossible, but inevitable.”
Your friends will always be there to listen and remember.
With love,
Sari and Chris
Hi Matthew,
This is very sad news indeed. I can’t even begin to imagine your loss.
Please know that you do have many friends and we all are here to support you.
Dave
Dear Matthew,
I am saddened by your news. My sincere condolences, and wishes for strength during this difficult time.
Zuhair
Sincere condolences on this savage blow. It’s a long time since I saw either of you, but I always thought you two made a great partnership.
Best wishes,
Paul
Dear Matthew,
So sorry to hear your sad news. Our thoughts are with you.
Denise
Matthew,
You have helped so many people, who like me, now wish they could return some help to you in these dark days. It is impossible to help today, other than to offer you our condolences.
You shouldn’t be surprised at the number of friends that you have, as you have shown kindness to everybody you have met. Carry on helping people Matthew, its what you are good at and its what Fi would have wanted. But after a period it will be time to evaluate what you would like to do in the future. Perhaps then I can begin to return some of the help you have given to me.
Howard
Matthew,
Very sad news indeed – I am sure there are more people than you know that are praying for you at this time.
If I can help professionally with fundraising please let me know
Rob
Dear Matthew
I read your news with great sadness and wanted to send warm thoughts and wishes to you, family and friends over Fi’s sad and sudden loss. After 30 years together, normal will never be the same “normal” again – which is to Fi’s credit – but there will come a time when you can remember her with a smile and I’m sure Fi wants that too.
Be gentle with yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help – I know I’d rather be doing something, however trivial (and I know I’m not the only one). Talk soon, Penny.
My sincere condolences.
Dear Matthew
We are so very sorry to read your news and want to send you our love and thoughts at this sad time. Please do let us know if we can offer you any other support in any way.
No doubt after 30 years of happy marriage you will have many happy memories to treasure and we do hope these will be of great comfort to you.
with love from Helen and Russell Bennett